Grief as Life Development
People typically turn to coaching when they need help with life, relationship, or professional challenges. In the last four years, and perhaps as a lasting effect of COVID-19, I have seen more and more clients seeking help with grief.
I thought it would be helpful to explore grief and how group coaching can help people build with and beyond grief, finding ways to connect and create with others.
Grief and the Human Condition
As Pozzo in Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot poignantly puts it, "The tears of the world are a constant quantity. For each one who begins to weep somewhere else another stops. The same is true of the laugh." This quote captures the cyclical nature of grief and joy, reminding us of the shared human experience throughout history.
Waiting for Godot, Act 1, scene 2, Nathan Lane, right, as Estragon, John Goodman, center, as Pozzo, Bill Irwin, left, as Vladimir, John Glover, back, as Lucky, in Samuel Beckett’s “Waiting for Godot,” Studio 54 production, 2009.
Loss is an intrinsic part of the human condition: the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a significant life change (place, job, dream), which results in experiencing a loss of normality and safety, a loss of identity, and a loss of meaning.
In the process, we paradoxically both feel the loss - the void-, and our ultimate connection to the world and to our humanity. This absolute connection we feel when we lose someone makes us acutely aware of both their absence and the overwhelming presence of the loss. Grief is an activity we engage in when and after experiencing loss.
Grief as a Life Development Activity
Renowned researchers like Brené Brown* and Robert Neimeyer** have provided profound insights into the nature of grief. Brown emphasizes that grief is not a linear process but rather an unpredictable and alive experience that encompasses a wide range of emotions—from despair to anger, shock, acceptance, joy… —that can emerge and re-emerge like waves throughout the sea of life until it becomes familiar and part of us. Neimeyer highlights that a central process in grieving is the attempt to reaffirm or reconstruct a world of meaning that has been challenged by loss.
*Brene Brown, « Atlas of the Heart » **Robert Neimeyer, « Techniques of grief therapy »
Dark Elegy by Susan Ellen Lowenstein
Grief is alive and it can surges abruptly, chaotically, like a grief attack, always underneath the surface, until it finds a place within us and becomes a part of our very human DNA.
Our response to grief can take the form of de-activity, where we shrink inward, overwhelmed by the continuity of life, afraid to lose the memory and not honor the loss. Alternatively, it can take the form of cre-activity, where we look outward at life, accepting that it continues and that loss is a part of it. This can lead to creating new, beautiful things and finding new meanings.
Healing through Creativity and with others
Creativity plays a huge healing role when it comes to grief. It’s a way to share, be present, build compassion (suffering-with) with others. When we create with others, we get a lot of our thoughts and emotions out of our heads in a non cognitive, messy way. At the same time, we reconnect together to our humanity in a profound, intimate way as we are all participating in something mundane and bigger than ourselves.
Sometimes creating looks like writing a poem, a song, or a dance while crying the whole time, but still doing it, pushing through it; writing, singing, dancing, and crying.
Sometimes, creating is giving ourselves the permission to share with others the beauty, the funny, the most peculiar moments of our human past experiences through a story and remembering together, re-membering together beyond the void.
“I think that well they've gathered here for me
I am within you, you are within me
I am beside you, you are beside me
I think they're singing to be free, I think they're singing to be free
I think my friends have gathered here for me
I think they've gathered here for me
To be beside me
Look for me, look for me
I am beside you, you are beside me
You are beside me”
The need for our grief to be witnessed and not ignored is vital. Grief is inherently relational, and continuing to 'cook' it and build a relationship with our loss is essential. It's akin to a chrysalis metamorphosis, where we need to shed the old carcass imprinted by the loss and emerge transformed. Womanity Play supports clients in this metamorphosis, helping them to shed the old and embrace a new reality.
Understanding Womanity Play
Womanity Play is an innovative social and cultural coaching practice that uses philosophical group conversations, creativity and play to build environments of growth, joy and hope. We look at human development as an emergent activity we create together, collectively.
We embrace the Four Essential Conditions of Unfoldment*
Humility of What We Don’t Know: We embrace the present moment by acknowledging and accepting the uncertainty that comes with life. This humility allows us to stay present and open to new experiences.
Deep Participation in the Present: We fully engage with what is occurring right now, without trying to change it or distance ourselves from it.
Love: Love and wisdom go hand in hand. Love heals fragmentation and melts boundaries, enabling a poetic way of life that values truth, beauty, and goodness.
Cultivating Insights: Allowing people to philosophize help create an environment for curiosity, discovery and compassion.
*Steve March, « unfolding change »
In our groups, we focus on supporting members through the grieving process within a communal setting. People can express their emotions, explore the both singular and communal experience of life with grief, go further and imagine new meanings and possibilities collectively. Unlike traditional therapy, which may delve deep into past traumas or psychological issues, our groups are relational and creativity-oriented. We aim to help people develop the tools they need to use grief as a portal for life development.
Key Benefits of Womanity Play
Personalized Support in a Group Setting: Grief is a highly personal experience, and a group provides tailored guidance that acknowledges the unique nature of each person's loss while fostering a sense of community.
Creativity and Imagination: we encourage creative expression and the use of imagination to explore new ways of understanding and coping with grief.
Relational Support: The group setting allows for the development of meaningful connections and relationships, reducing feelings of isolation and helping everyone to heal and create beyond.
Shared Experiences: Participants can share their stories and learn from others fostering a sense of solidarity and belonging.
Enhanced Resilience: the group focuses on building our capacity to respond to changes and face life's difficulties tapping in the human wisdom that emerges from the group.
When to Seek Womanity Play
While there's no "right" time to seek Womanity Play, it can be particularly beneficial:
In the immediate aftermath of a loss
During transitionary phases or significant life events
When grief impacts daily functioning or relationships
If grief becomes prolonged or feels "stuck"
When individuals seek meaning and connections through their grief journey
Conclusion
Grief is a profound and transformative experience that touches all of us at some point in our lives. While the journey through grief is deeply personal, it doesn't have to be a solitary one. Womanity Play offers a supportive, relational, and creativity-oriented approach to navigating loss and finding a path forward.
By providing personalized support, practical coping strategies, and a compassionate presence, Womanity Play can help people not only survive their loss but also find ways to build, thrive and grow through their grief. As we continue to recognize the importance of emotional well-being and holistic support, Womanity Play stands as a valuable resource for those seeking to navigate the complex terrain of loss and renewal.
I will let you meditate and hopefully dance and let all your emotions and wisdom emerge with Kendrick Lamar’s beautiful song: United In Grief.
